Blackmail
by Yukaido
Summary: During a performance of the Les Miserables musical, the actor playing Inspector Javert is abducted right off the stage. Only a little while later, Valjean's actor also mysteriously disappears. Is this the work of actual kidnappers or just crazy fan girls?


**DISCLAIMER!**

**Please, don't kill me over this, but I did use Philip Quast and Colm Wilkinson in this story. I had to use the real actors, and not just their characters, because this whole situation is supposed to take place at a performance of the Les Miserables musical. None of this is true, it never happened, it never will happen, and in no way whatsoever am I making a statement about these two actors. The only reason I used these two is because Quast is my friend's absolute favorite Javert, and of course, Colm Wilkinson is the man who played Valjean during this time. I think that these actors are purely amazing and I would _never_ want to cause anything that would stir a ruckus and offend them or their fans. This story is just a joke between my best friend and I, and we kind of came up with it on one of those weird tangent conversations we often have. He came up with the original idea, and I wrote the story based on it. So again, please, this is meant for a laugh and I didn't intend to offend either of these actors or their numerous fans! That being said, please enjoy, and I hope to grace much laughter onto you readers!**

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**_Blackmail_**

A closet. Of all places for him to have been kidnapped, and shoved into, it just had to be a closet.

Javert, or that is to say, Philip Quast, who had been playing the role of Javert, looked around at the close cut walls of said room that gave off an almost claustrophobic cloud into the stuffy, condensed air. Quast assumed he was in a janitor's closet, for even though it was pitch black and he couldn't discern anything, he had thought upon being tossed in the room one of his legs had knocked over a broom, and the place reeked of something similar to bleach.

Quast quietly swore under his breath. The deranged fan girl had been thorough, he'd give her that. His hands were bound tightly behind his back, and even though he had been fumbling and struggling with the knot now for about fifteen minutes, he hadn't even been able to make it a smidge looser. The girl had not, however, taped his mouth shut, but after he had yelled for help for almost ten straight minutes immediately following the click of the door being locked, he had found to his dismay that the closet was sound proof.

"Great…" Quast growled, who we will from now on refer to as his character, the good Inspector, "Now to come up with a plan C."

Inspector Javert had mysteriously vanished right before he had been about to "jump" from the bridge into the Seine during one of the final acts of the Les Miserables musical. No sooner had he reached his final note in the song than a female voice had cried out, "No, Javvie, don't dooo iittt!", two arms had been thrown around him, he had been tackled, nearly crushed to death in a bear hug, and without further ado, had been dragged away. He could only imagine the state of the theatre since he had been abducted off stage. The audience was no doubt panicking and the rest of the cast were probably in utter turmoil searching for him. It had been a strange night indeed.

Suddenly, Javert heard loud footsteps heading in his direction and his hopes of being found momentarily swelled. But then to his horror, he recognized one pair of footsteps as those of the girl who kidnapped him. Another set of footsteps accompanied hers, and another sound greatly resembling something heavy being dragged across the ground. His blood turned to ice. Could the girl have an accomplice?

Another click was heard as the closet door was unlocked and the light from the backstage hallway shone into the room, for a few seconds blinding Javert who had been sitting in complete darkness for almost an entire half hour. He quickly made out the figure of the girl who had tackled him, another girl with longer hair standing next to her, holding up the form of Colm Wilkinson, Javert's partner in acting who played the role of his arch enemy, escaped convict Jean Valjean. So that's what the dragging sound had been.

The new girl quickly dragged Wilkinson, who Javert noticed also had his hands bound behind him, into the closet, setting him next to Javert. Immediately after laying eyes on the both of them, she squeaked the most unearthly sound the two grown men had ever heard escape a fan girl's lips.

"Javvie!" Javert's kidnapper excitedly exclaimed, again throwing herself on him in a bone-crushing glomp. At the same time, she managed to procure a thick loop of rope which had been clasped in her right hand.

"Hey, bring Valjean closer to Javert over here, would you?" she asked her friend. The long haired girl nodded vigorously, and quickly shoved Wilkinson, who from here on out we will refer to as Valjean, closer until he was practically leaning up against Javert, forcing the men to stare each other directly in the eyes. The shorter haired girl quickly tied them together in this fashion, tying off the knot with a flourish.

"Behave yourselves." she grinned, and the second girl, burst into laughter, burying her face in her hands as her face grew red at whatever her fan girl brain was imagining. Both men shuddered involuntarily. That didn't sound good.

The quiet click of the door shutting announced the two girls' departure, followed by the sound of the lock being latched again, and the room was once again bathed in darkness. The only thing that either Valjean or Javert could see was the other's face, unable to turn away from the other due to the uncomfortable and ungraceful position the two girls had left them in.

"So this is where that girl hid you." Valjean said, the first to break the awkward silence.

"How in the world did they manage to get you too, if everyone else was already aware of the fact that I had gone missing?" Javert asked the other man incredulously. Valjean laughed half-heartedly, due to the circumstances of their current situation.

"They caught me off guard," he explained, "They cornered me in an empty room while I was helping search for you."

"Ah…I see." Javert responded, unsure of how to reply to a statement like that. Valjean shrugged.

"What I want to know is how that one girl managed to get backstage during your act." Valjean pondered aloud.

"Or how she got on and was able to drag me off without running into anybody." Javert added.

But of course, these were answers that neither men, nor the rest of the world, would ever know.

And so the hours passed slowly, each man slowly coming to the conclusion that their chances of being found anytime soon were getting more and more obsolete. And so as the hours passed, Javert himself not knowing when or how it happened, at a particular moment of time, whether it be three or four hours later, his tongue somehow ended up in Valjean's mouth and vice-versa.

Abruptly, pounding footsteps could be heard racing to the closet door, the lock being undone, the door being thrown open, and once again the two girls stood in the doorway before the pair, panting breathlessly.

"I knew it!!" the short haired girl declared triumphantly, pointing a finger at the abashed, flustered men. The longer haired girl quickly rushed over to the far left corner of the closet, and to the two grown men's horror, procured a video camera which the two girls must have been using to spy on the pair with. The red recording light was still on.

"To the Internet!!" the short haired girl cried. And without even bothering to untie the two horrified actors, the girls quickly dashed away, leaving the closet door hanging wide open. Their cackles of glee could be heard all the way down the hallway.

Needless to say the two men were quickly discovered in their most undignified of positions in which they had been left in.

And that is how two insane fan girls and two poor, innocent victims of stage acting inadvertently caused the Valjean and Javert pairing and the phrase, "coming out of the closet."

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**Ok, now I'm sure you can understand why I had to mount such a huge disclaimer onto this story, because when I look at this from an outside point of view, I can see where people could be offended, and I didn't want to anger anyone, for that was definitely _not _this story's intention. It was just meant to be a fun, short little story for some kicks. Well, please review, but if it was offensive to you, please just pretend you never read this, because I really don't wish to be yelled at. :(**

**I just thought it would be funny to write. I know I got a lot of self induced hysterics from proofreading it. :] **

**Thanks!**

** - _Yukaido_**


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